A.W. Tozer once said: “What I believe about God is the most important thing about me.”
What we believe about God changes everything about how we live our lives and ultimately, determine the whole course of our lives. What I believe about God affects how I pray, how I spend or what I choose to use my resources for, how I allocate my time and energy, and my personal relationship with Him.
So here’s where I’m at. Spiritually numbness.. not complacency… maybe a better term would be indifference. It’s not a feeling of God seems “far away” or depression about circumstances in my life. My life is fine. Everything’s fine and I know I should be grateful but where gratefulness and joy should be, there is stone-cold indifference.
God is still good. And I’ve been doing a lot of reading to help my spiritual growth. One of the ways I feel joy most is learning about God’s truth and learning more about His character and mission for His people. But as I reflect during this Christmas season, I know that I am not in the best place with my relationship with God nor am I getting closer. Maybe that’s a good sign that this isn’t total stone-cold indifference.
So if the way I live my life is a manifestation of what I believe about God, what is my current state saying? I don’t like where this is going…. but this question was posed during my readings.
Do I really believe God is good if I don’t respond to Him with prayers of thankfulness and a lifestyle that reflects my gratefulness for His grace and mercy? Do I really believe that God is a loving father when I pull further and further away from Him because I feel like I suck? And do I really believe Him to be the all-mighty and sovereign God that He is if I am unable to bring my requests to Him out of disbelief that He hears and will answer when I call?
I know the answers. I know His truths. What is it in me that is so twisted that I have fallen so? What do I really think about God?
So I find that though I want to, I am unable to bring myself closer to Him. I am inadequate, by myself, to restore fellowship with God on my own. Rather Jesus’ work on the cross, has already done what is necessary to restore our fellowship with the Father. Because of what Jesus has done, there is no need on my part to make efforts at restoring my relationship with God. How can I fix what is no longer broken? I have just forgotten what has been done for me. In times of indifference, all I needed to have done was to draw closer to the cross of Christ with faith that what He has done is indeed enough to reconcile me to God. James 4:8 says, “Draw near to God and he will draw near to you.”
As David prays in Psalm 51:
“O Lord, open my lips, and my mouth will declare your praise.”
And in Psalm 103:
“Praise the LORD, my soul;
all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
Praise the LORD, my soul,
and forget not all his benefits
So this is my prayer tonight. (Using different Psalms)
In Your Word I delight. For I have read and know of Your great love for me and Your grace and mercy. Forget not Your servant, O Lord. Only You can open my lips again to praise You. Let my soul not forget Your steadfast love and mercy. Lift my soul out of darkness that I may stand to declare Your praises. Hear my prayer O God and draw near to me. Because of Your great love toward me, I will praise Your name forever. Amen.
Why are you cast down, O my soul,
and why are you in turmoil within me?
Hope in God; for I shall again praise him,
my salvation and my God.